To My Angel

The last time I held you in my arms, you were crying. I remember it was in a cold hospital room, in the middle of the night, the night after my birthday.I just got home that day and our co-best friend (lol) told me that you wanted to see me. And so I asked my parents if they can take me to you. They hesitated at first because Manila was so far away from home but my charming self makes her way out. So back in the hospital room, I just sat there quietly. Seems like I lose my tongue. And you knew why, so you started lightening up the mood, filling me with “kwentong barbero” that you made up. You are so good with that. We were just laughing the whole time when you turn quiet. I look at you and your tears starts swelling up. You told me that you are afraid you’d hurt me when you leave. I wanted to cry because you talk shit in my face and wanted to beg you not to leave me at the same time. But I didn’t. Instead, I swallowed the lump in my throat and told you that I’ll be okay. That it’s okay and that you can go if you wanted to. It hurts me more to see you in pain. I can barely stand the sight of you having all those medical equipment sticking in your body. I hate to see you cry.

You smiled at me. You are still that beautiful boy but you look so weak. You told me that I have to promise you and so I did. That was our last pinky promise. And I miss you so so so much.

It’s been very long but I still miss you. You are my best friend. I used to tell you everything. From my petty dreams to everything that happens in my day, my fears, my joy. All of it. Although I don’t know if it annoys you because it’s all useless but you always assure me that you are listening. And I miss that. Sometimes, I wonder what would it be like if you are still here. Maybe you’ll hug me tight when things go rough. Maybe you’ll ask me to go with you and buy our favorite cookies and cream flavored ice cream. Maybe you’ll talk senses in me for drinking in week days, or staying out too late or for making stupid decision or for cussing too much (because you are such a saint). Or maybe you’ll take me to your house to watch episodes of Tom and Jerry. You are so childish. And I miss that. I miss you so much. And I’m sorry.

I’m sorry, I still wasn’t able to fulfill my promise to you. I tried so hard to be okay. But it’s not really okay without you. After all this years. Miss na miss lang talaga kita. And I’m sorry for your ass that I have to feature here in my blog. That’s your fault for making me sad. I just miss you V. Alam kong sawang sawa ka nang marinig yan sa akin. But you can’t do anything about that unless you come back down here. Di pa rin ako okay. I guess promises are really meant to be broken. I wish you were still here, V. Please check on me if you have a time. I love you.


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